The things that perplex/annoy me.
- How someone can watch “Serenity”, PRIOR TO “Firefly”.
- When Firefly was canceled. ‘Twas a tragic death.
- When people ask me which I like the most, Star Wars or LOTR. WHAT KIND OF SICK QUESTION IS THAT!?
- When those crazed Harry Potter fans are convinced that Tolkien ripped-off Rowling. Seriously, were y’all born yesterday?
- Purse dog carriers.
- Turkey bacon. No. That’s just an inhumane lie. Bacon goes “oink!” not “gobble”. Fuck you, society!
- The orbital speed of the Earth around the sun is 30km/s.
- Vegans that use fossil fuels. I believe those were once living, breathing things.
- Why is it the Midwest, when it’s clearly closer to the East?
- People who name their babies after food, alcohol or cars. “This is my daughter Apple Lexus Alizé.”
- When Boromir died. ‘Twas a tragic death.
- Fifty Shades of Grey.
- Scene kids.
- Why there are no bad photos of Tom Hiddleston. How is that possible!?
- When people tell me that some 2010’s era, post-hardcore band is way more metal than Metallica. No, just no.
- People that don’t like Metallica.
- "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." That’s a load of bullshit we teach our kids. Stop it.
- Brussels sprouts.
- Crazy cat people.
- Pretzels with no cheese.
- Blind, ignorant sheep.
- People who don’t share my love for LOTR, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Firefly, Adventure Time, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Big Bang Theory, Game of Thrones, Sherlock…the list goes on.
- People, in general.
Dear Obama (& administration/involved politicians/parties)…
Dear Obama (& administration/involved politicians/parties),
Thank you for announcing that I no longer will be able to afford medical insurance as of next year, due to your need to control private insurers. And for making sure that since I can’t afford a private insurance through work, your Obamacare will not cover the specialists I NEED to have an on-going relationship with. Not like I had plans to get better, or see a doctor who can help my everyday life bearable. I don’t need to be pain free. I don’t need to be healthy anyway, it’s sooooo last year. You’ve saved me the trouble of making appointments, going to them and taking meds. Such a HUGE relief. Now I can enjoy all the time off I have, in the fetal position, praying for daylight. Which, by the way, is my absolute favorite thing to do when in excruciating pain.
So thank you. You have officially made my life so much better.
An Honest, Hard Working Tax Payer Who Enjoys Getting Fucked Over By The Government
Election disputes, cannibalism, bath salts, God telling drivers to go at 100 mph, the harmonica thief, mother/daughter porn duo, Jackmeoff Mudd, goats breaking records, fight over taco sauce, orgy gone wrong, ninja robber…